whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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