It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
