around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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