Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
