Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
