So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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