the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
