Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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