Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
