I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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