I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
