im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
