I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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