morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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