We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
foreskin is a definite game changer
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
