if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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