listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
