Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
