I think my vagina is haunted
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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