Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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