you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
