not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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