So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
