I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
