I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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