one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
