So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
