oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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