hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
