The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
