Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I want her autograph on my taint
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
