I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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