you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
