So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
