I cockslap morals
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
