Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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