should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
