I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
