i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
