my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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