Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
