If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
