I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
