I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
