Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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