Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
