I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
