why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
