My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
