Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
