Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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