I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
