I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
