I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
