There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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